Tag: Perfectionism

A Perfectionist at Christmas

On By nataliehmetcalfLeave a comment

LIVING MAGAZINE PICTURE

So, last week I had a post drafted and ready to go. It was about how we are stressed during the holidays, but it never changes. I had been thinking on past years and how so much can stem from over-committing, and refusing to say no. The whole post was about how we need to say no more, stand up for ourselves, quit trying to people please, and focus on the One who really matters. And just for the record… I think it was a pretty good post!

But for whatever reason, I didn’t have confirmation from Him to post it. May sound weird to some, but I believe the Lord gives me words to say.  Anything that I write that is of worth is from Him; anything that is dung (as KJV Paul would say) is all Natalie. And I didn’t have a peace to post it.. Now I know why.

Since then, I have been going about my business and I have noticed something. Several times, and I mean SEVERAL, I have had this urge to plan numerous things. Keep in mind, that I am on my way to Kansas City at 5:00 am tomorrow for my dad’s graduation ceremony for his Doctorate of Ministry (woo hoo! Yay dad!!!) So, in reality, I have two weekends before Christmas. And yet, I have literally been a group text away from hosting three different events. I keep trying to cram in things in the days left before Christmas, when in reality, it would leave me feeling stressed, over committed, and maxed out.

What’s my point?  It’s me. I don’t need to say no to other people. I need to say no to myself. I am the one who overbooks. I am the one who compares everything to Martha Stewart. I set the bar so high, that even an Olympian couldn’t clear it.  I want my Christmas to be perfect, and perfection to me means performance.  I can’t blame anyone else for that. The perfectionist rears her head at Christmas more than any other time. In the end, I am the one who misses out, because I miss out on my God.

What’s so sweet, is that the Lord pointed out my issue. Have you ever experienced Him showing you your sin or faults?  The Creator of the world bothered to show me that I am actually the one who is causing my holiday stress. Such a small thing in life but to me it was a BIG thing. He cared to listen to me, and to show me where I was falling short. The Lord is the best therapist I could ever have. Ha!! I love Him so much. He is my delight. He is my joy. And I hope He is yours too.

Natalie

Psalm 37:4

Calling all Perfectionists

On By nataliehmetcalf4 Comments

I am very type A. Which is a blessing and a curse. Over the years I have mellowed out quite a bit, but once upon a time, even my burned CDs were color coded, with handwritten song track cards for each one. Must have had too much time on my hands. Ha!!

There is nothing wrong with being a high achiever. God made us each differently, with unique personalities. We are fearfully and wonderfully made!! But here’s where the problem comes in: it is very easy to allow perfection to become our goal. And the bad news is that we can’t reach perfection. It’s impossible. When we constantly strive for an unattainable goal, it exhausts us, ultimately making us miserable and defeated. And yet we continue trying, running on that treadmill, spinning our wheels but never really getting anywhere because we are focused on the wrong unachievable thing.

There’s another aspect to perfectionism that I have recently discovered. We can even try to reach perfection in our walks with Christ and then become bummed out when we fall short. What do I mean? Well, we can want to do His will, desire to please Him, and then when we inevitably blow it, (because HELLO we aren’t perfect 😊), we beat ourselves up to the point of being overwhelmed by guilt and shame. Yes, we need to confess and repent, but then we need to MOVE ON! It’s often hard for perfectionists to accept God’s grace and forgiveness, because that means we messed up. We may try to make up for it by “doing better” and pretty soon, we are back on that treadmill, unable to move forward, burdened by our own imperfections.

Here’s the truth for all of us perfectionists: we aren’t perfect!! And it’s OK. Jesus Christ lived a perfect life FOR us because we could not. And when we accept him as our Savior and LORD, His righteousness covers us instantly. We are still sinners, but God sees us through the lens of His Son. So we can stop trying so hard to earn it and rest in His grace. And while we are it, we can stop looking to see how other people are doing on the perfection scale.

I wish I could say that I have laid the goal of perfection down at His feet. I still battle it, although it looks differently than it did in my college years. (Does anyone even burn CDs anymore? Ha!!) It creeps back up subconsciously, and the enemy bombards me with thoughts on anything from my parenting to my skills as a homemaker until I am worn out. So how am I going to fight it? I will hide his word in my heart. Starting with this one.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. (Galatians 5:1, ESV)

Perfectionism is a burden if there ever was one. The next time I feel it strangling me I’ll try to remember this verse along with one little word… grace. Thank you Jesus.

Natalie